Saturday, July 31, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Thirteen Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Shit
13. Potential Murder Suspect
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Shit
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Happy Christmas & Merry New Year !
We must always be politically correct...so instead of saying Merry Christmas we must say Happy Holidays as not to offend anyone from other cultures.
Well I'm sorry but this sure as hell offends me.
If you don't like the saying Merry Christmas then you probably won't like this southern saying either...
Don't let the door hit you in the ass as you leave our fine Country. You all don't come back now ya hear - Bye, Bye!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Broadcasting pioneer Paul Harvey dies at age of 90...
Harvey was born Paul Harvey Aurandt in Tulsa, Okla. His father, a police officer, was killed when he was a toddler. A high school teacher took note of his distinctive voice and launched him on a broadcast career.
While working at St. Louis radio station KXOK, he met Washington University graduate student Lynne Cooper. He proposed on their first date (she said "no") and always called her "Angel." They were married in 1940 and had a son, Paul Jr.
They worked closely together on his shows, and he often credited his success to her influence. She was inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame in 1997, seven years after her husband was. She died in May 2008.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Problems, problems...
Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately.
Illegal immigration
Hurricane recovery
Alligators attacking people in Florida
Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems.
It's a win-win situation.
1. Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
2. Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.
3. Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Mrs. Webster's Dictionary...
Definitions as they would appear in Mrs. Webster's Dictionary.
Aaaack (aak) interj. An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first thing in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is now.
Airhead (er-hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a cop.
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."
Bar-be-que (bar-bi-q) n.You bought groceries, washed lettuce, chopped tomatoes, diced onions, marinated meat and cleaned everything up, but he "made dinner."
Baseball Bat (bas-bol bat) n. An anti-burglar device.
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n Gotta get married in a church.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."
Children (chil-dren) n. What men become when they get the flu.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Computer (kom-pew-ter) n. The one thing in a woman's life that does exactly what she tells it to.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Dog (dawg) n. A creature who hears a burglar, barks once, then hides in the closet.
Eternity (e-ter-ni-tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Four Food Groups (for food groups) n. Chocolate, wine coolers, potato chips & ice cream.
Grocery List (grow-ser-ee list) n. What you spend half-an-hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Home (hom) n. A dwelling that ideally has the same number of bathrooms as people.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Lipstick (lip*stik) n On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers".
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Zillion (zil*yen) n The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.
Aaaack (aak) interj. An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first thing in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is now.
Airhead (er-hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a cop.
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.
Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."
Bar-be-que (bar-bi-q) n.You bought groceries, washed lettuce, chopped tomatoes, diced onions, marinated meat and cleaned everything up, but he "made dinner."
Baseball Bat (bas-bol bat) n. An anti-burglar device.
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n Gotta get married in a church.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."
Children (chil-dren) n. What men become when they get the flu.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Computer (kom-pew-ter) n. The one thing in a woman's life that does exactly what she tells it to.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Dog (dawg) n. A creature who hears a burglar, barks once, then hides in the closet.
Eternity (e-ter-ni-tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Four Food Groups (for food groups) n. Chocolate, wine coolers, potato chips & ice cream.
Grocery List (grow-ser-ee list) n. What you spend half-an-hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Home (hom) n. A dwelling that ideally has the same number of bathrooms as people.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
Lipstick (lip*stik) n On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear.
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers".
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Zillion (zil*yen) n The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
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